Ekin turns twenty

Rindu. Sumpah kali ni rindu yang amat. Patutnya aku rasa happy sebab hari ni birthday Ekin but at the same time I do feel empty and sad deep in my heart. I should and must be happy since today is ekin's birthday but I dont' know the feelings keep pushing me. Sumpah berat rasa ini. Sumpah kalau ditanya bukan ini yang aku mahu. Aku tak nak rasa ni datang di tengah aku sibuk dengan assignment and presentation and test. Aku rindu kau sayang. Hampir setengah dekad kau tinggalkan aku. Peritnya hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Aku tak tahu kenapa rasa rindu ini kuat sekali. Rasa bersalah dengan Ekin. Patutnya aku happy untuk dia tapi deep down inside I'm crying because missing you so much. 

28 October 2018
Hampir 48 jam dan selawat solatu salam masih lagi berputar tanpa henti. Hati aku seolah olah tak nak lepas dari dengar selawat ni. Selawat yang buat aku teringatkan kau. Selawat yang kita sama sama belajar masa sekolah agama rendah dulu. Ya Rabb, it is so pain. Macam nak pecah dada aku. Air mata aku meleleh macam air hujan. Berkali kali aku ingatkan diri sendiri jangan meratap sedih ini tapi aku tak tahu kenapa aku degil sangat. Penat aku sorok mata. Penat aku nangis sorok sorok. Sigh. 

Anne turns twenty

Today is Anne's Birthday. Last night we made a little celebration for her although the cakes and chocolate's bouquet was not comes from us. The cake was from her sister, Kak Cha while the chocolate's bouquet was from her secret admire. None of us knew who is Anne's secret admire. We were jovial celebrate her birthday last night. Finally Anne turns twenty. Anne was cried when she knew Kak Cha sent her birthday cake. I know she feel touched. The feelings mix together. Wallahi deep inside my heart I feel envious with Anne. She is surround with people who loves her very much. I can see every single people loves her to the max. She have a beautiful soul. She is soft spoken as a person. She never judge people. She will help her friends that especially who have a financial problem although she also doesn't have an enough money. She will help me in study. The one who will always motivate me and such a positive person. Cheerful and happy go lucky person but a bit shy. Everyone adore her so much that some times I do feel insecure with Anne. The Javanese girl that are very humble and kind hearted. 

I never receive a surprised from my sister just like Kak Cha did to her. Lucky her. I wish I will be presented with surprise by people that I love during my birthday this year. Unfortunately, no celebration during my birthday. I was so busy with presentation, assignment the night before and we had a sleepless night. But yeahh, Allah SWT was so great that although I didn't get any surprise from my Rapunzels, I did very well during my presentation although Madame Lela said my group was a bit disorganize. I was joyful when I knew Madame Lela's birthday is a day after my birthday while Atiq was on fifth of June. It was a moment to remember. 

I don't want to be a slave who doesn't know how to be bersyukur. I don't want that to happen. Lama aku pujuk hati. Tipu bila tak iri dengan orang lain. It was me yang over excited during my birthday. No one cares but me. But my teacher once said if no one want to give you present during your birthday then you can buy it yourself. Dont wait for others It's your birthday. Make yourself happy during your special day. Dear Allah, I'm sorry if I get jealous and overreact. Thank you fir giving me a best ibu, abah, sisters, brothers and foremost best friends that love me so much and I'm sorry if I don't appreciate it enough.